Healthy Goals to Help You Move Along the Grieving Process

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Extreme exhaustion. Lack of motivation. The complete cessation of productivity. If you experience these symptoms and more after losing a loved one, you are not alone. In fact, C.S. Lewis coined a term for this phenomenon: “The laziness of grief.” If you experience the laziness of grief, know that the path to healing may be as simple as setting small daily goals. Before you balk at the idea of goal-setting in your current emotional state, know that the goals in question are small, manageable and sometimes as simple as opening a window.

Let the Light In
You may have heard of SAD, or seasonal affective disorder, which affects people during the winter months when the sun shines less frequently. Symptoms of SAD include lethargy, fatigue, moodiness, lack of motivation and others similar to those of grief. Research shows that the brain produces more serotonin — the happy chemical — on sunnier days than it does on overcast days. While sunshine streaming through an open window won’t be the cure-all you’re looking for, it can give you a mood boost, which can help you tackle your other, slightly bigger goals.

Allow Yourself to Sleep
Sleep disturbances are a common symptom of grief. While many bereaved persons experience hypersomnia, which refers to excessive sleepiness, some experience the opposite — insomnia. If you fall into the latter camp, you may be dealing with the effects of sleep deprivation in addition to grief. Among several other symptoms, those may include depression, anxiety and irritability. You can help bolster your mental health and counteract the symptoms of grief by taking steps to increase the number of hours you sleep each night and improve your sleep quality.

Move Through Your Grief
Understandably, doing anything more physical than walking to the mailbox at this stage in the grieving process can feel taxing, but significant research exists that supports the role of exercise in healing. In fact, one study found that engaging in 30-minute workouts three to five times a week can cut your depressive symptoms by as much as half. Exercise can also give you a constructive outlet for your anger and provide an opportunity to “bliss out.” Though finding the motivation to work out may be a struggle, once you don those running shoes and hit the pavement, you will feel all the better for your efforts.

Plan Your Return To Work
Work may be the last thing you want to think about, but the truth is that you must return to the office at some point. It’s important that you carefully plan your return by setting expectations and holding yourself and your employer accountable to said expectations. Managing expectations and setting boundaries is crucial for avoiding burnout, as is valuing your own time and giving yourself the space to acknowledge and deal with your emotions.

Memorialize What You Lost
So many people are of the notion that memorializing the deceased only prolongs the grief, but the truth is that memorialization is an important step in the grieving process. In addition to helping honor loved ones and preserve memories, memorialization provides bereaved persons with a tangible way to connect with the departed. Memorials come in many forms, so be sure to do your research and work with AA Rayner and Sons Funeral Home to find one that honors and celebrates your loved one’s life.

Grief can be exhausting. While the laziness of grief is normal, do not let it become a lifestyle. Set small goals for yourself to help yourself overcome and move on in the healthiest manner possible.

Honoring the Memory of Emmett Till

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The city colleges of Chicago invite Charles Childs, co owner of AA Rayner and Sons Funeral Home to a candid conversation about legacy of Emmett Till and his grandfather (A.A Rayner) that provided funeral services for his family.

Covid 19 Funeral Assistance AA Rayner and Sons funeral Home Chicago

Financial relief for Covid 19 funeral expenses from FEMA?

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Grieving Alone Together

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Grieving Alone Together, Responding to the loss of a loved one during the covid 19 pandemic

A Guide to Moving for a Fresh Start After the Death of a Loved One

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The death of a loved one is never easy. The grieving process can cause you to go through an array of emotions, ranging from anger to sadness. Sometimes, these emotions may result in physical symptoms as well, such as insomnia, lethargy, and jumpiness. Moving to a new home can offer a welcome change of scenery and lay the groundwork for a fresh start. There are many factors to consider as you prepare to make this transition. Follow the guidelines outlined below to help you through the process. 

Sell Your Old Home and Buy a New One

The first step in making a move is finding a new place; for example, you may choose to switch to a house closer to friends or family after your loved one’s death. You can scope out the cost of properties in your target area using online tools. You can also use this tool to get an idea of how much your home will sell for. This sum can help you get started in your new life. To maximize your profit, get your home into its best shape for selling. A basic checklist includes taking care of repairs, cleaning and decluttering, and sprucing up your landscaping for a good first impression. Staging your home ahead of an open house can help it sell up to 73 percent faster on average, according to the Mortgage Report. 

Decide What to Do with Your Deceased Loved One’s Belongings

Before you move, it makes sense to lighten the load. Getting rid of your loved one’s belongings is difficult, but doing so will allow you to save money during your transition. It can also be an essential part of the grieving process, paving the way for your own healing. This doesn’t mean you have to trash all those sentimental possessions. Set aside those items that are particularly meaningful for you in a single box; this could include their favorite sweater and photos, for example. You may find it comforting to donate some of their possessions, like clothing or books. Knowing that they will get a second use and bring someone else joy is soothing. If you find yourself with goods you can’t bear to part with, consider putting them into storage near your new home. 

Prepare Yourself for a Smooth Move

Once you’ve found a new home and sorted through your loved one’s possessions, you can prepare for the move. Give yourself plenty of time to pack beforehand; ideally, you will go through one room per week in order to keep your entire house from turning into a mess. Good Housekeeping recommends researching moving companies well in advance and opting for reputable professionals with a positive ranking from the Better Business Bureau. Make sure to set aside one bag of essentials you’ll need directly upon arrival at your new place (such as pajamas, a toothbrush, and medicines). This ensures that you won’t be scrambling for such items on your first night.

Get Involved in Your New Community

Once you’ve made the move and started to settle into your new home, you can start getting involved in your community. Establishing social connections and getting out of the house can be useful as you go through the grieving process. There are many ways to get involved in a new neighborhood after moving. Introduce yourself to your neighbors, find a volunteer group for a cause you believe in, or join a sports team. Many cities now also have neighborhood Facebook groups that you can join to find area events. If you’re religious, a church or a place of worship can be a wonderful way to meet people. 

The tips outlined above can help you settle into your new home; however, don’t expect the transition to happen overnight. The process will take time as you get used to your new surroundings and work through your grief. If you find yourself struggling, reach out for help through a local bereavement group. With some additional support and these tips, you can begin moving toward a brighter future. 

Photo Credit: Unsplash

Planning Ahead Means Lessening Your Family’s Burden

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The American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys says it best, “Humans have a 100 percent mortality rate.” Because of this, it only makes sense to accept what the future will bring. Participating in the funeral planning process is one way you can do this while also lessening the burden on your surviving loved ones. So, keep reading as we touch on the basics of how to handle the practical aspects of an event you cannot postpone when the time comes.

Paying for a Funeral

Funerals cost money; a final farewell can set you back $10,000 or more. Fortunately, if you plan ahead, you don’t have to leave a big bill for your loved ones to settle on your behalf. The two most popular options are to invest in burial insurance or to prepay your funeral. 

Burial insurance makes sense if you do not know which funeral home you want to handle your service. These types of policies may even have enough left over so that your spouse or adult children can pay off medical bills and any unfortunate debt that you left lingering. Look for a company that specializes in final expense policies. One example is Lincoln Heritage Life Insurance, which is the insurer responsible for the popular funeral advantage program. By working with a representative that only deals with burial insurance, you won’t have to worry about purchasing other products that you don’t need.

If you’ve lived in an area your entire life and plan to pass away there, it might make more sense to contact your funeral home of choice and ask about pre-need services. This gives you more control over what happens after you die. You can choose your own coffin, music, and even arrange for a certain hair or makeup style. While it might seem unsettling to participate in planning your own funeral, just remember that otherwise, your loved ones will be left trying to guess your wishes, which will only add to their emotional burden.

Types of Funeral Services

Regardless of the way you choose to pay, you should have an idea of what you want ahead of time. There are no rules or regulations that define how your funeral service has to be carried out. You might choose to have a traditional burial service, which typically lasts three days, two days for the viewing and a final memorial before heading to the cemetery. However, as Love Lives On explains, a funeral service is often centered on cultural or religious beliefs. Keep this in mind, particularly if your religious preferences forbids embalming, as many funeral homes have strict restrictions on how long a body may lay in wait without preservation.

In lieu of a traditional wake and burial, you might choose a simple graveside service with a memorial at a later date. In this case, your burial insurance might help cover the cost of internment and leave enough money aside for your family to host a large gathering.

Cremation is another option, which is much less expensive than a traditional burial. If you choose to be cremated, you will have greater flexibility on where your ashes settle after the process. Often, this is in a decorative urn, but many people request to have their ashes scattered on their home estate, a favorite golf course, or a national park. Contact your desired location before writing this into your final wishes so that your loved ones are aware of whether a permit is required. Keep in mind that you will have to ask permission and, in the case of a burial at sea, you must use a biodegradable urn and report the event to the EPA within 30 days.

While nothing can replace your life, having your final arrangements in place – and having them paid for – now is one of the best things you can do for your family. Dealing with death is never easy, but handling a loss while also struggling to pay the bills and plan for the future is doubly stressful. Don’t be afraid to open up the conversation now. Death does not wait, but planning ahead will allow your loved ones to focus on saying goodbye.

Image via Pexels

Youth and Funerals

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Understanding the important role funerals and memorialization play in the lives of the youth

Cancer: An Unexpected Expense

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Cancer: An Unexpected Expense

Cancer takes a toll on more than your mind and body. It can quickly eat through your savings, even if you have exceptional health insurance.

Planning for treatment

While you certainly did not plan to get cancer, knowing more about the treatment process can help you better plan to cover associated medical expenses. These may include:

  • Clinical visits
  • Urine, blood, and other lab tests
  • In-office procedures
  • Equipment charges
  • Imaging tests including MRI and CT scans
  • Radiation treatment
  • Radiologist fees
  • Prescription and non-prescription drug costs
  • Hospital stays
  • Surgery and associated fees
  • Home care
  • Insurance co-pays

Outside of treatment, you may also find that you are out of pocket for everyday living expenses that you would not have incurred without a cancer diagnosis. Things such as child care and transportation fees must also be considered.

Talking to your health care team

It’s important that you address financial concerns with your cancer treatment team. You can bring this up with your doctor by pointing out that you are not sure if you can afford their suggested treatment and if there are alternatives that may be as effective. You should also ask if any of the services needed require preapproval and if you will be allowed to recover from surgical procedures at home versus in the hospital.

Paying for your medicine

Depending on the type of treatment needed, you may be prescribed oral chemotherapy, which may also be referred to as targeted therapy. Cancer medication taken by mouth offers the same level of effectiveness as intravenous medicines and is more convenient. They are, however expensive and can cost $1,000 or more per treatment and may not be covered by your insurance. Before agreeing to any treatment, confirm coverage eligibility. The vast majority of pharmaceutical corporations offer patient assistance, which your health care team can help you locate. U.S. News & World Report estimates that cancer drugs and supportive care treatments to counter the side effect of chemotherapy costs Americans more than $43 billion annually

When insurance isn’t enough

Although the Affordable Care Act cannot deny a cancer patient insurance, benefits or associated payments, depending on your policy, there can be a significant gap in what’s covered and what’s not. Asbestos.com estimates that chemotherapy can run as high as $30,000 for an eight-week treatment course. Even if you have zero co-pay and 20 percent coinsurance, you may still be out of pocket $6,000 or more. And this doesn’t even consider issues that can arise due to cancer treatment. Specifically, those that affect your oral and ocular health.

 

Depending on your age or qualification as disabled, you may be able to enroll in a Medicare Advantage plan, which provides supplemental dental and vision insurance, which can ease that burden. It should be noted that enrollment periods for Part C are limited to a seven-month timeframe near your 65th birthday or within 24 months of disability. Learn more about Medicare Enrollment and benefits here.

You may be eligible for numerous government and private benefits if you need help paying for certain aspects of treatment. For example, if you must travel for treatment, you may find respite at a Hope Lodge, such as the Memorial Foundation Hope Lodge in Nashville, which is part of the St. Thomas Health network. Your health care team may also be able to point you in the direction of no-cost mastectomy products or counseling services in your area.

 

Another financial impact of a cancer diagnosis, especially when terminal, is the cost of a funeral. While it is difficult to face, you can ease the burden on your family by investing in prepaid arrangements. This will ensure they are not spending unnecessary money out of grief on services and funeral enhancements that are not needed

For additional information on the types of treatment available and how to manage the associated expenses, visit the American Cancer Society online.

Pre-grieving a Terminally Ill Loved One

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Pre-grieving a Terminally Ill Loved One

End-of-life care is a complex situation that heavily weighs upon the terminally ill patient and caregivers. On the medical side, teams are put in place to reduce pain and increase comfort for the dying patient. There’s also the non-medical caretaker side of end-of-life, which often has loved ones, such as children of a terminally ill patient, feeling overwhelmed with stress and often neglecting their well-being. A primary concern of end-of-life care revolves around “anticipatory grief,” which is the process of pre-loss grieving.

Anticipatory grief explained

Anticipatory grief is similar to the usual process of grieving except it happens before death occurs, so there are additional phases. And depending on the length of the death process, these stages can linger, restart and be revisited. The first pre-grief stage involves realizing the inevitability of death. This first phase occurs when a healthcare provider gives the sad news that a cure is not likely. Sadness and depression mark this initial phase.

The next stage involves a significant amount of concern for the terminally ill person. This concern could be over a dying person‘s feelings or fear of death, and can also involve regret about past interactions with the dying loved one.

A third phase arises when death appears imminent, so loved ones begin to make arrangements. Sometimes, this stage can be harrowing, especially when caregivers ready themselves for the worst but the end does not come.

The final phase occurs when caregivers and loved ones begin to think about what their lives are going to be like without the person in it anymore. Depending on the age of the terminally ill patient, the feelings can range from a certain amount of guilt over feelings of relief to utter devastation.

A professional care team can significantly assist in navigating these phases of the end of life. This team can include nurses and mental health professionals. A palliative care nurse may best be able to assure you that the patient’s pain is being reduced as much as possible. If the terminally ill person is spending their last days at home with hospice care, then the hospice care nurse may be able to assist you in preparing for the end.

It’s essential for caregivers and loved ones to be aware of their vulnerabilities and potential for burn out. The following are signs of caregiver stress:

  • Experiencing mood swings

  • Becoming physically ill

  • Gaining or losing weight

  • Avoiding socializing

  • Making caregiving not only your full-time job, but your 24-hour-a-day identity

 

It’s important to note that the younger a caregiver is, the higher the risk becomes that pre-loss grief will be complicated. Younger people still often possess strong feelings of invincibility that can be shattered by experiencing the death of a loved one from the close perspective of caregiving. Physicians are increasingly attuned to this problem, fortunately, and the team approach to end-of-life care almost always includes support for the caregiver.

There are no easy answers when dealing with a terminal illness, but the goal of dignity and dying can be reached if your available resources and support mechanisms are used. As HomeAdvisor notes, “After all, that’s what it’s all about: caring for your loved one and treating him or her as you would want to be treated. As long as we show kindness and compassion to our loved ones throughout the process, they will be able to say goodbye with the dignity they deserve.”

 

Photo Credit: Pexels

 

AA rayner and Sons Film Festival Award Winning Documentary

AA Rayner and Sons Award Winning Film Festival Documentary

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This year, Timothy Fryett, a resilient film student at the Northwestern University, shot and filmed a short documentary at AA Rayner and sons funeral home showcasing a glimpse of the daily work and compassionate grind of a funeral and a funeral home.  A special thanks to all those who worked on the project, when we get a copy made available to the public, we will post it.